When Max turned 6, we persuaded him to sleep in his own room. As expected, we were met with resistance from the little one. Imagine, sleeping on his own in his own room can be daunting for a small single child of 6. Again, we broached the subject a week later, he refused.
No! No!
It took us a lot of coaxing, encouragements, praises, reassurance and sometimes even bribing :-( before we succeed when he began formal schooling last year.
This is what we did.
The room, across the hall from ours, was prepared for him with his favourite blue walls when he was a baby - cartoon wall decal, photo frames, soft-toys friends, big floor yoga mat, his favourite toys etc… but we agreed to redecorate some parts of the room and re-arrange some furniture with him so he’ll have some form of control over his decision (or rather parents’ decision!). We let him placed his bookshelf beside his bed so he can reached for a book when he wakes up in the morning “What a great idea!”, we praised him. We let him arranged his soft-toys, Tigger should sit next to Stripes, Tung-tung (the oriental Pig) wants to sit next to Ping-ping (Chinese piglet)… :-D. This didn’t work.
One of his replies, “But I do not have any brothers or sisters to take care of me at night…”. After much coaxing and having failed… I finally resorted to bribing! Terrible Mommy! :-(( I got him the Wall-E bed-sheet set so they’ll keep him company at night. It didn’t work!
So, we decided either myself or Hubby stayed with him at least for 30minutes of an hour beside him till he has settled into a deep sleep. Sigh! This went on for about 5 weeks.
On the 6th week, after reading 2-pages of a story with him, I firmly told him to sleep on his own (Daddy won’t be back for another couple of weeks from overseas). I needed to scrub the pot, the kitchen floor, polish the counter…(whatever I can think of!) but I’ll be up in 5mins to check on him and again in another 10mins… I started stretching the waiting time after a couple of days to 10mins then half an hour. By a week, I noticed he's asleep within 10mins... :-)
I personally feel that being in the same bedroom gives the little one reassurance of support as parents being close-by. Max has his own baby cot in our room since birth. Much as we love our little guy, we do not encourage co-sharing of bed. I agree that having him so near, I can easily check on him at night, especially when he has flu’-fever, eczema-caused stuffy nose or when he needed to pee in the middle of the night. As he out-grown the cot, we moved in a 3½ -feet wide bed into our room with side-guards.
We maintained the old bed in our room for about 9-10 months in case he does return in the middle of the night for comfort and re-assurance. He did for a few nights, quietly and slept peacefully till morning. No, we didn’t want him to crawl into our bed!
It’s good to establish a certain routine with kids, where he will grow familiar with expectations. I normally gave him a warm bath, followed by a nice story by Mommy or Daddy, recount some pleasant events of the day and bring the hope of a beautiful next sunny morning’s events. A warm hug and kiss from Mommy and sometimes a hug from Dad if Dad is back early (boys don’t kiss boys! :-D)
Image from Mantaka
AVOID all scary movies or stories prior to sleeping. There was once, he dreamt of the giant spider with Frodo in Lord of the Rings! Now, that gave me disturbed nights too for the next couple of weeks. Constantly being woken by Max, having him jump into my bed, refusing to go back to his own room... no thanks to Hubby! If he is very disturbed, sometimes you can encourage him to recount, it could be a nightmare or some thoughts troubling him, might be good to clear them. If so, I’ll stay awhile till he falls asleep again.
We allowed the little guy to go to his bed with his favourite soft-toy or blanket, he always has his favourite baby-pillow Josh with him :-D Comforting!
When he comes back to our room, firmly and calmly I led him back to his room. Then, I gave him a pat on his back and some encouragement to go back to sleep again.
It took all of 7-8 months, for him to walk voluntarily to his own bedroom after his bathroom routine, get out his favourite book while waiting for either Mommy or Daddy to come over to read with him.
Finally, we did it. :-D
It’s the biggest step taken by a single child, overcoming fear of darkness and of being alone and taking a step forward to becoming more independent. It may be a small step but to a little kid, it’s a giant step.
Hope the above will be helpful to some parents of single child.
Here are some helpful articles:
How to encourage your Child to sleep alone
Helping children sleep in their own bed
Children Sleep
Getting your child to sleep in his own bed
